EGL work again.

I promise, my next illustration will definitely be EGA...

And..of course, this one is a mana + moitie + Ali project mess up again...lol

 Link to DeviantArt
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Nightmares

        I have been having nightmares lately, and they are always about the same exact thing that I have been trying so hard to forget. No matter how many years it has been, and no matter how long I have gotten away; it just keeps haunting me, it just keeps coming back to memory as if it just happened not too long ago.

          I wonder, maybe it is better this way, because it made me the person I am today. For a child to go through a living hell like that definitely isn't something entertaining, as what awaited this child was always loneliness and despair. This child has done nothing wrong, yet nobody was ever on her side, and nobody was ever cared for her feelings. The only person the child had ever trusted and loved ended up betraying her. How she wished this person could stand up for her, because she loved her, and yet she still does. But why, why did she betray her and left her in complete darkness and loneliness. She had no one to talk to, and no one ever stood up to her right. After all this, she learned not to trust anyone. Maybe it is better for her to just be in her own shell. That way, she can prevent herself from getting hurt.

        I wonder, if the person who ruined my life ever thought about things otherwise. Knowing what he did was wrong, he still blamed everything on this child and took his anger out on her. Has he even realize he was wrong, or maybe he only thinks he was right. This child was a thing and a slave to him. He sugarcoats everything to make it seem like he is preparing the perfect future for this child, although, all he wanted was for the child to be of use to him so that he could reach his silly ego. Has he ever changed after this year? Has he ever even asked god for forgiveness of what he had done to the child. Forgiveness seems like nothing anymore. When the damage is done, nothing can be repaired to how it used to be.

      I do not have a father, not before, not now, and not in the future.

Moi-meme(May 19th outfit)

I'm too lazy to photoshop anything.LOL

Vows

I shall vow to the moon,

Here and now,

As a proud noble dame,

And as an honorable knight.

I shall honor my nobility and pride,

No matter in what circumstances,

No matter what type of temptations,

I shall never give up my honor.

I shall always behave upon my respects,

Even until the day my body perishes.

I shall vanish As a proud noble dame,

And as an honorable knight.

Today, here and now,

I made this vow to respect my integrity,

and to respect my pride, honor and nobility,

This promise shall be valid for all eternity.

From here and now, 

I will never be allowed to behave otherwise.

I shall live with no regrets upon this matter,

I shall never again taint my pride, honor and nobility.

04-27-12 Paranoia

I wonder, If this is all just a bad dream.

I am still waiting for someone to wake me up,

And she will tell me the nightmare is over,

And she will tell me I don't have to worry any longer.

I have been in this bad dream for too long.

I wish I could escape and be taken far away,

Escape to the place where hope exists,

Escape to the place where I can see the daylight.

How long is the bad dream going to last?

What am I supposed to be doing?

If I die, will someone be there to sing the requiem?

If I vanish, will this nightmare still be haunting me?

The Last Temptation - 2

Day and night,

The guilt never stops haunting me,

The guilt of the sin I have committed,

The guilt of non-resistance to the temptation.

Demons corrupt angels to fall,

Fall from the heaven to hell.

The sin that can never be atoned,

The guilt that can never be erased.

Praying for the forgiveness that I wanted more than ever,

But only the terrors follow me that make me shiver.

The fantastic terrors I have never felt before,

Thrilling me until my soul exists no more.

Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore,

I can scarcely take this anymore.

Free me, free me, I implore,

But you keep dragging me all the way to the inferno's door.

The Last Temptation

          I have too many stories to tell, as I day dream all the time to make up my own little stories. This story has got to be one of my favorite, and I would like to share with anyone who read this blog.

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         “ Don’t go, please,” He murmured, reaching out his hand. He had the same dream again. 

           For the past few weeks, he had been having this dream every day. Yet every time, he would still feel like as though it was the first time he was having the dream. He wondered if it was supposed to mean something to him.

              In this dream, he found himself on a beautiful island where the sun never rose. He saw only the night there, and the moon was always at its fullest.  He walked along the shore gazing upon the moon, until he heard a voice singing. Intrigued, he followed the voice. He wanted to know, who might be singing with such a stunning voice, on this deserted island.  There he saw a goddess-like woman singing while playing a harp. He stood there speechless, and he could scarcely take his eyes from her. The moonlight shone upon her long black hair, as if she had been one with the darkness of the night; her lifeless pale skin made a perfect contrast with the darkness. Her violet eyes seemed to glow even brighter than the full moon. He was so fascinated that he could neither speak a word nor walk away. He stood there staring at her as she slowly vanished into the darkness. “Don’t go, please!” he shouted.

              This young man was an honorable noble who lived in a city on a mountain called Winterfels.  Although the mountain was called Winterfels, winters had never been too harsh. It snowed only for a few days throughout the winter, and the snow never completely covered the land. He was loved by the many people of this city. He would soon be the viscount of this city, as his father had fallen ill, and he was ready to give his throne to his son.  Everything had been so peaceful throughout his life, but his fortune changed fast, when he least expected it.

                    Night fell again. Here in his mansion, he laid down expecting the same dream. “This time, I swear that I will find out who she is,” he thought to himself and fell asleep soundly. The dream repeated itself again. He did exactly the same thing as in his last dream. He stood there listening to her song.

                     The young man could hesitate no longer, “Madam, I beg forgiveness for my intrusion.” The stillness had been broken by his gentle words.

                       “Oh, my beloved, I had been waiting for you for quite long.” She replied as she stared into his eyes, her violet gaze glowing intensely. “ Take me away with you, let us run away. You do that, and your souls will be bound with mine for eternity.”

                    He was confused by her words. Nonetheless, he was fascinated and charmed by this fair maiden, so he replied, “Then I shall. Tell me where I can reach you outside of the dream, for I know this is a dream that I am having right now. If you were real, I would come to you and take you with me. I will soon rule this city­­­­ with you by my side.”

                   The maiden smiled, “I will come to you. I will be there soon, quite soon.”

                   As she finished her words, she again vanished into the darkness. “Don’t go, please,” he murmured again, as he was pulled back to reality, but the night was not over yet. He heard a familiar song. As the singing got closer and closer to him, darkness fell upon his chamber, transforming the night to an abyssal shade.  “You are here, are you not? It is like you are bringing a piece of my dream into reality!” he shouted, regretting making such a promise to an unknown being.

          “ As you wish, I will be with you. But there is a condition for me to stay by your side. Your soul will be mine, and I will devour it completely,” said the maiden. He found himself terrified hearing her words. “I was wrong! It was a temptation! I should have known better!” He thought to himself as he lost control of his consciousness. There was darkness. He could not see anything, neither the maiden nor himself.

          The dark clouds finally cleared, but an intense fire followed. The young man lay on the ground lifelessly, the maiden nowhere to be found. Strangely, no one in the mansion seemed to notice what had happened, and nobody had been awakened by the fire. Everything still seemed so quiet, though the unnatural fire was silently devouring the mansion. The flames spread farther, until the blaze had swallowed up entire city.

                Both the young noble’s and the city’s existence had been wiped out completely. Nobody outside of the city remembered or knew what happened, or perhaps they did not even remember such a place existed. It almost seems as though nothing had occurred.

                 Since then, this land has had long, harsh winters. Not a soul could survive in this snow-covered wasteland.

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         Who is it to be at fault? The foul enchantress who bewitched the proud young noble, or the
young noble who gave up his pride to the last temptation?

         My friends, it is your turn to determine.