Moi-meme

Walking down the hallway of

this old abandoned castle,

She shivers as the night breeze

Passing through the worn down windows.

She continue following the voices that has been calling,

Carrying on her steps until

She reaches the room by the end of the corridor.

“This is where I need to be”.

Staring into this old cracked mirror,

She sees nothing more besides

The reflected image of the self

Pondering restlessly about the tome of the forbidden lore,

It is late, and it is half past four.

Day one, she reminds herself over and over

That the knowledge of the book brings about only disaster,

She should seize her wonder.

But another voice in her head tells her,

“ No, that can’t be it, and I wish for more.”

Day two, she thinks to herself,

Perhaps the lore of the tome will be a great help,

“Perhaps I need to be rid of my fear, throw away my doubt.

Just one page and never more.”

She finishes her reading, yet yearns for more.

Day three, she gives up her rationality vulnerably,

Flipping through the pages attentively.

Deceiving herself even more.

This utterly wrong,

But the wrong is what temps her to reach for more.

Here she is again,

In the last room of the castle’s corridor.

The room where ancient ritual took pace,

centuries ago.

This is where she found the grimoire

Filled with forbidden knowledge

that she was supposed to ignore.

Staring into this old cracked mirror,

she see something more besides

The reflected image of the self, nothing like before.

Wondering restlessly once again, “ is she truly I,

Or a blighted creature that I abhor.”

Prison Cell

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Though we may pass the same time

And see the same sight,

What we hold in our heart are never the same.

Every morning, I wake up seeing the same sight, breath the same air.

Beyond the cell, through the rusty prison bars,

I see only a deserted field where the sun has dried up the soil,

Long ago, before I was brought here.

I dream, dream of the memories that only exist within my heart.

The memories of my past,

Before I was branded the name “sinner”;

But I had never been free.

When the day you showed up in my cell,

You told me the prison door has never been locked,

You told me to break free of the oppression,

You told me to run away,

From whatever has been holding me back.

Tempting, however, I refused,

There is never freedom for me to have,

A slave are never supposed to be free,

Ever since the day of my birth.

Yet you told me I was the one who take

my own freedom away,

There has never been a prison cell to bind me,

Nor has there been a master for me to serve.

I am never a slave.

Your every word craved into my heart,

And I soon realize the truth when everything around me disappeared,

The prison, the dessert, the dried up air,

Everything was only a figment of my imagination.

I created all this to isolate myself from the world.

You were gone, as well,

Your face, you voice, your image

Only existed in my head,

Yet you free me from myself.

Who...are… you?

Jul 22nd

Is it mere human nature

That we all desire something that is unobtainable?

Even if one knows it is so wrong,

Even if one knows it is unobtainable,

Yet this person still yearns for it.

And I am no exception.

I feel disgusted,

I feel disgusted with myself,

I am disgusting.

For something that I desire, I wish for,

But I cannot obtain,

And I know it is false and delusional.

Yet I still yearn for it,

Yet I still think otherwise.

 How dare I call myself wise?

Good God Spare My life

As title.

Mononoke

"Feelings and memories, they only exist within my heart."

"Though we may pass the same time, or see the same sights. What we hold within out hearts can never be the same."

"Your face, your voice, the image of you, which exist only within me.."

"Who...are...you...?"

Creativity, Delusion and Awakening

         Creativity can be a good thing, but it also has its down side. Creating something non-existence from the creator's mind can usually turn out to be something that is idealistic. On the contrary, if creativity means to add delusional factors to something that already exist or even change the meaning of existing events,  it can be extremely dangerous and deceiving. Of course, the creator will be the culprit as well as the victim, and the original event that was altered only in the creators mind should not be the one to be accused. Delusion is dangerous indeed.

        I have heard of this "If you truly wish for something, then that something will come to life".  It can be true and false at the same time, depends on the circumstance where the it is used. Like I have mentioned above, delusions can not be brought to existence, no matter how hard this individual wishes for it. Just like hard truth cannot be altered, and the sun can alter its shape just due some anonymous person's desire.

        When the creator realizes a belief to be delusional, the only thing this person can do is awakening, instead of altering the truth further to fit into the delusion. Simple yet not easy.

        What would you do when you are trapped in such situation? A situation when you realize something is completely false and delusional? and of course, this delusion can be a false belief, an idea, a piece of knowledge, or even a false assumption of a person. If you were left to make a choice for a withdraw, would you simply walk away from this delusion silently, and never look back; or would you make a call for withdraw, announcing your decision to the ones that matters? Please tell me your answer if you read this blog.

Blue Butterfly

My beloved thy,

I promise, I will make you real.

I will make you as realistic as you can be.

I will devote my heart and soul,

I will do what it takes,

To bring you into existence.