Sunday, July 22, 2012

Jul 22nd

Is it mere human nature
That we all desire something that is unobtainable?
Even if one knows it is so wrong,
Even if one knows it is unobtainable,
Yet this person still yearns for it.

And I am no exception.

I feel disgusted,
I feel disgusted with myself,
I am disgusting.
For something that I desire, I wish for,
But I cannot obtain,
And I know it is false and delusional.
Yet I still yearn for it,
Yet I still think otherwise.

 How dare I call myself wise?

Sunday, July 8, 2012


"Feelings and memories, they only exist within my heart."
"Though we may pass the same time, or see the same sights. What we hold within out hearts can never be the same."
"Your face, your voice, the image of you, which exist only within me.."


Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Creativity, Delusion and Awakening

         Creativity can be a good thing, but it also has its down side. Creating something non-existence from the creator's mind can usually turn out to be something that is idealistic. On the contrary, if creativity means to add delusional factors to something that already exist or even change the meaning of existing events,  it can be extremely dangerous and deceiving. Of course, the creator will be the culprit as well as the victim, and the original event that was altered only in the creators mind should not be the one to be accused. Delusion is dangerous indeed.
        I have heard of this "If you truly wish for something, then that something will come to life".  It can be true and false at the same time, depends on the circumstance where the it is used. Like I have mentioned above, delusions can not be brought to existence, no matter how hard this individual wishes for it. Just like hard truth cannot be altered, and the sun can alter its shape just due some anonymous person's desire.
        When the creator realizes a belief to be delusional, the only thing this person can do is awakening, instead of altering the truth further to fit into the delusion. Simple yet not easy.
        What would you do when you are trapped in such situation? A situation when you realize something is completely false and delusional? and of course, this delusion can be a false belief, an idea, a piece of knowledge, or even a false assumption of a person. If you were left to make a choice for a withdraw, would you simply walk away from this delusion silently, and never look back; or would you make a call for withdraw, announcing your decision to the ones that matters? Please tell me your answer if you read this blog.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Blue Butterfly

My beloved thy,
I promise, I will make you real.
I will make you as realistic as you can be.
I will devote my heart and soul,
I will do what it takes,
To bring you into existence.

EGL work again.

I promise, my next illustration will definitely be EGA...
And..of course, this one is a mana + moitie + Ali project mess up
 Link to DeviantArt

Thursday, June 14, 2012


        I have been having nightmares lately, and they are always about the same exact thing that I have been trying so hard to forget. No matter how many years it has been, and no matter how long I have gotten away; it just keeps haunting me, it just keeps coming back to memory as if it just happened not too long ago.
          I wonder, maybe it is better this way, because it made me the person I am today. For a child to go through a living hell like that definitely isn't something entertaining, as what awaited this child was always loneliness and despair. This child has done nothing wrong, yet nobody was ever on her side, and nobody was ever cared for her feelings. The only person the child had ever trusted and loved ended up betraying her. How she wished this person could stand up for her, because she loved her, and yet she still does. But why, why did she betray her and left her in complete darkness and loneliness. She had no one to talk to, and no one ever stood up to her right. After all this, she learned not to trust anyone. Maybe it is better for her to just be in her own shell. That way, she can prevent herself from getting hurt.
        I wonder, if the person who ruined my life ever thought about things otherwise. Knowing what he did was wrong, he still blamed everything on this child and took his anger out on her. Has he even realize he was wrong, or maybe he only thinks he was right. This child was a thing and a slave to him. He sugarcoats everything to make it seem like he is preparing the perfect future for this child, although, all he wanted was for the child to be of use to him so that he could reach his silly ego. Has he ever changed after this year? Has he ever even asked god for forgiveness of what he had done to the child. Forgiveness seems like nothing anymore. When the damage is done, nothing can be repaired to how it used to be.
      I do not have a father, not before, not now, and not in the future.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


I shall vow to the moon,
Here and now,
As a proud noble dame,
And as an honorable knight.

I shall honor my nobility and pride,
No matter in what circumstances,
No matter what type of temptations,
I shall never give up my honor.

I shall always behave upon my respects,
Even until the day my body perishes.
I shall vanish As a proud noble dame,
And as an honorable knight.

Today, here and now,
I made this vow to respect my integrity,
and to respect my pride, honor and nobility,
This promise shall be valid for all eternity.

From here and now, 
I will never be allowed to behave otherwise.
I shall live with no regrets upon this matter,
I shall never again taint my pride, honor and nobility.

Friday, April 27, 2012

04-27-12 Paranoia

I wonder, If this is all just a bad dream.
I am still waiting for someone to wake me up,
And she will tell me the nightmare is over,
And she will tell me I don't have to worry any longer.

I have been in this bad dream for too long.
I wish I could escape and be taken far away,
Escape to the place where hope exists,
Escape to the place where I can see the daylight.

How long is the bad dream going to last?
What am I supposed to be doing?
If I die, will someone be there to sing the requiem?
If I vanish, will this nightmare still be haunting me?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Last Temptation - 2

Day and night,
The guilt never stops haunting me,
The guilt of the sin I have committed,
The guilt of non-resistance to the temptation.

Demons corrupt angels to fall,
Fall from the heaven to hell.
The sin that can never be atoned,
The guilt that can never be erased.

Praying for the forgiveness that I wanted more than ever,
But only the terrors follow me that make me shiver.
The fantastic terrors I have never felt before,
Thrilling me until my soul exists no more.

Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore,
I can scarcely take this anymore.
Free me, free me, I implore,
But you keep dragging me all the way to the inferno's door.

The Last Temptation

          I have too many stories to tell, as I day dream all the time to make up my own little stories. This story has got to be one of my favorite, and I would like to share with anyone who read this blog.

         “ Don’t go, please,” He murmured, reaching out his hand. He had the same dream again. 
           For the past few weeks, he had been having this dream every day. Yet every time, he would still feel like as though it was the first time he was having the dream. He wondered if it was supposed to mean something to him.
              In this dream, he found himself on a beautiful island where the sun never rose. He saw only the night there, and the moon was always at its fullest.  He walked along the shore gazing upon the moon, until he heard a voice singing. Intrigued, he followed the voice. He wanted to know, who might be singing with such a stunning voice, on this deserted island.  There he saw a goddess-like woman singing while playing a harp. He stood there speechless, and he could scarcely take his eyes from her. The moonlight shone upon her long black hair, as if she had been one with the darkness of the night; her lifeless pale skin made a perfect contrast with the darkness. Her violet eyes seemed to glow even brighter than the full moon. He was so fascinated that he could neither speak a word nor walk away. He stood there staring at her as she slowly vanished into the darkness. “Don’t go, please!” he shouted.
              This young man was an honorable noble who lived in a city on a mountain called Winterfels.  Although the mountain was called Winterfels, winters had never been too harsh. It snowed only for a few days throughout the winter, and the snow never completely covered the land. He was loved by the many people of this city. He would soon be the viscount of this city, as his father had fallen ill, and he was ready to give his throne to his son.  Everything had been so peaceful throughout his life, but his fortune changed fast, when he least expected it.
                    Night fell again. Here in his mansion, he laid down expecting the same dream. “This time, I swear that I will find out who she is,” he thought to himself and fell asleep soundly. The dream repeated itself again. He did exactly the same thing as in his last dream. He stood there listening to her song.
                     The young man could hesitate no longer, “Madam, I beg forgiveness for my intrusion.” The stillness had been broken by his gentle words.
                       “Oh, my beloved, I had been waiting for you for quite long.” She replied as she stared into his eyes, her violet gaze glowing intensely. “ Take me away with you, let us run away. You do that, and your souls will be bound with mine for eternity.”
                    He was confused by her words. Nonetheless, he was fascinated and charmed by this fair maiden, so he replied, “Then I shall. Tell me where I can reach you outside of the dream, for I know this is a dream that I am having right now. If you were real, I would come to you and take you with me. I will soon rule this city­­­­ with you by my side.”
                   The maiden smiled, “I will come to you. I will be there soon, quite soon.”
                   As she finished her words, she again vanished into the darkness. “Don’t go, please,” he murmured again, as he was pulled back to reality, but the night was not over yet. He heard a familiar song. As the singing got closer and closer to him, darkness fell upon his chamber, transforming the night to an abyssal shade.  “You are here, are you not? It is like you are bringing a piece of my dream into reality!” he shouted, regretting making such a promise to an unknown being.
          “ As you wish, I will be with you. But there is a condition for me to stay by your side. Your soul will be mine, and I will devour it completely,” said the maiden. He found himself terrified hearing her words. “I was wrong! It was a temptation! I should have known better!” He thought to himself as he lost control of his consciousness. There was darkness. He could not see anything, neither the maiden nor himself.
          The dark clouds finally cleared, but an intense fire followed. The young man lay on the ground lifelessly, the maiden nowhere to be found. Strangely, no one in the mansion seemed to notice what had happened, and nobody had been awakened by the fire. Everything still seemed so quiet, though the unnatural fire was silently devouring the mansion. The flames spread farther, until the blaze had swallowed up entire city.
                Both the young noble’s and the city’s existence had been wiped out completely. Nobody outside of the city remembered or knew what happened, or perhaps they did not even remember such a place existed. It almost seems as though nothing had occurred.
                 Since then, this land has had long, harsh winters. Not a soul could survive in this snow-covered wasteland.
         Who is it to be at fault? The foul enchantress who bewitched the proud young noble, or the
young noble who gave up his pride to the last temptation?
         My friends, it is your turn to determine.

Monday, April 23, 2012

My Moi-même-Moitié Collection

From top right to bottom left: Dot lace OP, Scallop lace op
                                                Flocky ornament OP, Holy queen skirt, Church Gate JSK. (bad picture, i

       This picture isn't showing all my moitie yet, I'm still waiting on my Crossroads JSK:)

       I'm sure many people fail to understand why Moi-meme-Moitie means so much to me,  and I always wanted to tell my story. So here we go.
      The first time I saw Mana (Malice Mizer) was in 8th grade, I fell in love with Malice Mizer, and I started reading a lot more into the band and its members. Knowing that the brand had already disbanded, I was very sad, and I wish I had gotten to know them sooner. I loved the aesthetic and the music so much, and sometimes I feel like I'm becoming one with the world Malice Mizer shown in their videos. I am a day dreamer as well. I read more into Mana, because I thought he was very intriguing to me, I liked his style,  and knowing that he was the one who started Malice Mizer fascinated me. As I get to know this Mana person more, I felt I was very connected to him, because he and I are so much alike--the things he likes, the way how he views life, and even the fact that he is a very shy person. I adored him so much,  and I looked up to him as if he was my Goddess; I still do, I still look up to him as my Goddess. I have been thinking how much I wanted to be just like my Goddess, I wish I had his beauty, I wish I had his talent and success. Especially recently, I have been trying to do my make up just like him, so I could be at least a little bit close to him. Then again, skin beauty means almost nothing to me, because I know my beauty will decay as the time goes on, and it will eventually parish into nothingness. I also have been working hard to make my CG images, hoping that maybe I will succeed someday. I know I can never be JUST LIKE Mana, but as long as I try and have my success, then I will feel closer to him. Everyday, we live to improve ourselves, that is the most important. Isn't that right, Mana? I still remember how you encouraged me with your words.
          When I was 15, I started playing bass because of Malice Mizer, and I also had a silly wish at that time. I was wishing that if I could play bass really well, maybe one day, I will be able to go to Japan, and maybe Mana will pick me as the bassist in his band. Silly dream, I know right? I did work really hard on bass playing, I had been in a few bands before too, but they never worked out as I imagined so. The last band I joined was called "The Hey Yoos", we were an all girls band, and it was my college freshman year. I tried very hard to promote my band as well, hoping maybe one day we can get popular and we can be on the same stage as Moi Dix Mois, maybe Mana would know who I am.. I know, silly dream again, and the band did not work out as I thought it would.. After that, I quit bass playing after 5 years of hard working. I'm not even sure if I would pick it up again, I guess I'm even more awkward than Mana, since I'm awkward to even talk to my band members and be myself in front of them.(Laugh) I guess I will just have to work hard all by myself to find an way out. I don't want to give up, then again, I'm scared too. I'm so scared of changes and the insecurity of my future. I wish Mana can just appear in front of me one day and tell me that I will be just like him.
         Ok, after all that talk about myself and my Mana "obsession", on to Moi-meme-Moitie!(laugh) The first time I knew Moitie was at the same time I researched Mana, then I realized that he had his own clothing brand. Mana designs the clothings from Moitie to represent and express himself to the public. I thought it was a really good concept. I liked Mana's concept of how he has two souls inside of him, a woman and a man, and they share the same body, and that is why he sometimes appears to be feminine and sometimes he appears to be more masculine. The name Moi-meme-moitie means half of myself--my other self, and I absolutely adore this idea. I have read quite a lot about anima and animus, and I am very fascinated with this concept. At that time I knew about Moitie, I was only about 15, I could have never even dreamed of owing anything from Moitie, how would I even dare to. A 15 years old little girl can never afford any thing from Moitie, and it was just as high and mighty as my Goddesss Mana. It had been my biggest wish to collect things from Moitie, or at least to own one thing from my beloved Moitie.  Then, I guess it was not just a mere wish that never comes true in the end. I finally had the chance to afford my first Moitie -- Holy Queen skirt, that was the first Moitie print I absolutely fell in love with. When I got this skirt from the mail, I was completely stunned, and I was filled with joy. Ok, this sounds lame, but yes, I did cry, but the tears were from joy, the joy of used-to-be this little girl's unreachable dream coming true. At that time, I kept looking at my very first Moitie item for a long time, and I could scarcely believe this to be the reality. Because my reality has always been filled with disappointment, one after another, they keep coming, never end... But my beloved Moitie has made me the happiest I could ever been.  I know this sounds silly, but truly, Moi-meme-Moitie isn't just mere materialisticism to me, it means so much to me, and i will always have a part of my heart for it, and nothing will ever be the replacement. 
         Since then, I have been getting more things from Moitie, and I love every single one of them from the bottom of my heart. On my birthday of this year, my Mother surprised me with a Moitie (Flocky Ornament)! Thank you so much, Mom. You really know me well, and you also know that I always get depressed around April, because it happens every year, just like a curse that I can never escape. This year, things has been getting better. well, not exactly, if it wasn't for Moitie, I would be sink deep down in the water again, like Ophelia. I know there will always be disappointments in life, and I cannot forgive myself for the sins I have commited. Even if the whole world takes me as an unnecessary and insignificant being, even if I have been forsakened by this world. I will always have Moitie to get me through the toughest time of life, now and in the future.

Moi-meme (from the meet up, Apr 21

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Moi qui suis dans mon rêve

I don't want to wake up,
I want to keep dreaming.
How long is it going to last?
How long can I still keep idealizing everything?

I never want to wake up,
Even if my reality is filled with lies and imagination.
I'm terrified to face everything,
To face everything that I'm trying so hard to escape from.

Is my time running out?
Is it the time for me to wake up?
How I wish time could stop right now,
I don't want anything to progress.

It is very scary to think 
that every next page of my story book is still blank.
How I wish everything is already written,
How I wish I can just stay in my endless dreams.

Oh, my candy sweet dreams,
Little girl's prefect reality.
Please don't leave me behind,
Take me away, take me far away.

Take me away, take me far away,
To the realm filled with the sweetest scent,
To the world that sorrows cannot reach,
To the place where my dreams take place.

Friday, April 20, 2012

30 Day "Gothic" Lolita Challenge - Day 1-Day 3

Day 1 – 10 things about your lolita bubble

I.       I started wearing Lolita to school.
II.      I only own brand stuff from one brand currently - Moi-meme-moitie. I will soon get stuff from Atelier Boz, but those 2 brands are the only ones I'd buy from.
III. There are mostly 3 colors in my wardrobe: black, white, deep blue.
IV.     I have been trying very hard to look like Mana. LOL
V.      I stay up every Tuesday and Friday for Closet Child update, even when I have no money to buy any thing.
VI.    I wear long sleeves and stockings even in the summer.
VII.   I describe myself as creepy & sweet at the same time, and I only wear gothic stuff.
VIII. Moi-meme-Moitie and Mana mean a lot to me.
IX.    I tend to collect things that are blue -- Blue nail polish, blue dresses, blue blouses and etc.
X.     I love mini top hats and bonnets!

Day 2 – 10 things you love in lolita
I.      Moi-meme-Moitie and Atelier Boz
II.    Mana's coordination
III.   EGL livejournal
IV.    Blogging about lolita fashion
V.     Making Goth-Loli style CG images
VI.    Mary Jane shoes
VII.   Enormously poofy Skirts/dresses
VIII.  The chance to idealize myself
IX.     Prints with crosses and roses
X.      Blue lipsticks

Day 3 – 10 things you hate in lolita
I.       I'm always afraid that people who are with me would be embarrassed because I dress "weird".
II.      I hate it Whenever I get asked if I'm in a play, or a rude comments such as "It's too early for halloween!"
III.     I hate attentions from people on the street. Well, I just hate any types of attentions drawn on myself.
IV.     Getting hit on by pedophiles. I hate it when people associate Lolita with sexual related anything, for I dress up for myself, myself only, no one else. Moi-meme!
V.       People see me nothing more than my ruffled dresses and my face without actually getting to know me.
VI.     I hate it so much when people call me "hot" or "sexy" because I only prefer be called "elegant" and "charming", and I especially like the word "Charming'.
VII.    When I have no money to buy a dress I want, or when I have the money but can't find the piece I want.
VIII.   When dresses and skirts are too short, and I only wear dresses and skirts that are at my knee or longer, like floor length.
IX.      Taking pictures

30 Day "Gothic" Lolita Challenge - Intro

Ok Lucy! I'm going to do this too! It looks so much fun!
Day 1 – 10 things about your lolita bubble.
Day 2 – 10 things you love in lolita.
Day 3 – 10 things you hate in lolita.
Day 4 – 10 different kinds of food you like.
Day 5 – 10 items from your wishlist.
Day 6 – 10 things you can’t live without in lolita.
Day 7 – 10 people who inspire your lolita style.
Day 8 – 10 songs that inspire you for lolita.
Day 9 – 10 things you will never do in lolita.
Day 10 – What’s in your bag?
Day 11 – One day in your lolita life in pictures.
Day 12 – A picture of yourself before lolita came in to your life.
Day 13 – A picture of your favorite sweets.
Day 14 – A picture of your dream item.
Day 15 – A picture of your last lolita purchase.
Day 16 – Your outfit for the day.
Day 17 – What do you want more then anything right now?
Day 18 – A picture of your favorite lolita style.
Day 19 – What’s in your make-up bag?
Day 20 – A picture of a lolita friend.
Day 21 – Your favorite fictional lolita.
Day 22 – A picture of your room.
Day 23 – A picture of your handwriting.
Day 24 – A picture of you from a meet.
Day 25 – Your favorite lolita themed artwork.
Day 26 – Your Facebook profile picture.
Day 27 – One song that fits your favorite lolita style.
Day 28 – A picture of the perfect lolita location.
Day 29 – A picture of a lolita you would love to meet for real.
Day 30 – A photo of yourself taken today and 3 good things that’s happened over the last 30

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Heroine Syndrome?

          Today I heard this song "Heroine Syndrome" by Kanon Wakeshima. I have never heard of this term, but I  could guess what it means. So I started wondering if I have this "Heroine Syndrome", or worse, maybe I am a typical severe case of this "Syndrome".  I guess it is because I always daydream about how I wanted to be the protagonist of a video game or a storybook, and maybe that is why I always love video games,  I get to be the protagonist of this imagined world.  Wait, isn't my case more of a "Protagonist Syndrome" than "Heroine Syndrome"? (laugh)
          I have been obsessed with the concept of Alice In Wonderland, and daydreaming about how one day, on that particular day, something special and out of ordinary would happen to me. You know, magical things always happen to people who are just as bored as me. (laugh) For example, Yusuke Urameshi from Yu Yu Hakusho, a quite generic kid who skips class all the time, then he got killed but revived as the detective of the spiritual realm, and from that day on, his life started getting more and more interesting. Another example is Akira from Monochrome Factor, who can just transform to his shadow form and fight monsters all the time. He accepted this task because he is a kid who says"I'm always bored anyways". But I am always bored anyways too! (laugh) 
         I like shonen anime a whole lot, and it probably has something to do with my "Protagonist Syndrome". In a typical shonen anime, the protagonist is always an ordinary teenager who just happen to get special powers or a special task to fulfill. I'm a teenager no longer, but I still like to daydream about how something special would happen to me one day. I'm seriously waiting for the day I get sucked into an alternative world, and I'm the one who is going to save everyone.  Yes, I still think I'm or I would be the chosen one some day at one point, and don't ask me how old I am. XD
         Well, I am bored anyways.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Moi-Meme, 04.18.12

I look bad in snap shots...

Queen of the Fairytales

Moi qui suis dans mon rêve,
T'entends ma chérie.

I guess every girl wishes to be thrown into the world of fairytale picture book.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

No. 22

              This is the first day since I turned the age of 22, although I really don't feel like I'm this old, haha. Especially now I decided to go for the fashion style I'm truly in love with. With all that ruffles and laces, and enormous poofy dresses, I wonder if I would still look 22? But no, I'm not age playing here. XD I'm just trying to true to myself. And also, I do have a really youthful face, so this Gothic-Lolita obsession of myself is doing myself a little favor, since it suits me quite well.

             I want you to see that I'm more than the ruffled dresses and this candy sweet face.

             My goal of this year is to be true to myself, and I will stop all this pretending and be myself, because I can only live this life once. I want to remain innocent and naive, and I want to see the best in others. It makes life much easier if we see things with a child's eyes.  I also believe we are the protagonist of our lives, so our fates are in our hands, and in our hands only. our lives are how we make it to be. We can either make it as complicated and miserable as it could possibly be, or we can make it as innocent, simple and full of lives as it could ever be. 
          I know I am gothic lolita, and i dress in black all the time. But it is also different from other gothic style, because gothic lolita is meant to be creepy and cute at the same time. Oh yes, graveyard Alice, it is indeed the most suitable code name for me. Well, it is just the way I dress, it doesn't mean I need to be all depressed and cry in a corner all the time.LOL. I can be gothic lolita, and I can look like Mana-sama, but my life can still be filled with candy and cakes, and my life can still be filled with innocence and naivety. Why? Because I like to see things positively, and I like to see things how a child would see. I believe everything, either good or bad, happens for a reason. Even if someone did something bad in the past, I believe there is a reason for this person to do this, and as long as the person isn't thinking about doing the same thing again, then he/she deserves to be forgiven instead of being reminded of guilt and suffering. Everyone is allowed to have a change and a chance. :)

         The only thing that matters to me now is now, today, tomorrow and future.

Moi-meme-moitie Cross roads JSK <3, I shall wait for your arrival.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


Here is the wishlist I made of dresses I wish to obtain.
Hopefully I can somewhat reach my goal by the end of this year :)

Lace Pattern Flock JSK By Moi-meme Moitie

Dot strap JSK by Moi-meme-moitie

Chandelier Print by Moi meme moitie in white and silver

Cathedral Print JSK by Moitie (Black x Blue)

Frill shirring JSK by Moitie

Friday, April 13, 2012


I just thought about having a change, since I'm going to be 22 soon.
So I made a list for myself for the changes I need to do this year.

Metamorphose to elegant gothic lolita/aristocrat for myself:

- Replacing "hi" or "hey" to "greetings" when greet anyone.

-Refrain from swearing(NEVER DO THAT AGAIN) and learn to speak in an elegant manner, be extremely polite in conversations.

-When meeting someone, whether it is someone I know or I just meet, I will bow to them with one hand in front of me and one hand behind me. As well as always to keep elegant postures.

-Always do my make-up and hair properly when going anywhere outdoor.

-Stay away from buying normal clothing, including jeans, T-shirts, anything that will make me look less elegant. In fact, trying to get rid of what I have slowly, only keep formal dress suit in my wardrobe for jobs/school.

-Reading more classic literature and poetry instead of what's popular.

-Building up my aristocratic wardrobe with Moi-meme-Moitie and atelier Boz, or similar style clothing, this will probably take a few years.

-Don't let anyone to stop me from how I act or how I dress. Keep my mind set, and don't let negative judgement to get in my way.

-Bring a cane or black parasol whenever I go outside.

-Always wear intense deep blue nail polish.

-Headdresses, mini top hats and hats are always necessary.


I think I have covered everything so far, but I will add more when i think about more. Everyone is welcome to give me suggestions:)

-L. Sieghart

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Mana Quotes and evaluations of self

- To refine the spirit of myself, I am always seeking what my true self should be doing.

one must always be reflecting on the "self".

for me, there is nothing more important than improving, refining my own self... so I have a strong desire to bring everything within myself into existence.

Mana-sama has always being the biggest influence of my art. I guess it is because I am quite similar to Mana: The way he views life, his art style, and the way he put himself outside of the real world.
I, as well, always seek to improve myself, and I want to use my art to express my inner self, to communicate. I don't like to speak much, because I have come to realize my words are far too limited in sharing my ideas. So instead, I want to use visual to communicate, because it is better that way, because i took time in my art.
Everything i took time in doing will always do me a better favor in expressing, compare to things I say or do without thinking. Well, I don't really think before speaking most of the time.
I want to seek out for the true self, and figure out my reason of existence.

Dix Loves!


Monday, April 9, 2012

Monochrome Romance

I wonder, If I am Lafrenze or Eurydice.
I wonder, If I am running towards a dead end?

Dreaming the dreams of dread and lament.
Shivering by the creature of all might.

Shadows follow to the never ending night.

Painted with Photoshop CS4, Wacom Intuos 4